Do the infomercials ever stop?

Can't focus..

Watching a show about coke and meth and the effects on the brain, it mentions a lot about various areas of the brain, the neuron path receptors with the dopamine, the frontal lobe that deals with impulse control. If I could, I would love to be a neurologist working on my own brain. Slice that sucker right open and start doing little pokes. Poke here....Oh! There goes the right hand! ha ha

Find out why I react so differently from everyone else. Why does she see the color green when you play a d flat? (And don't think that I wouldn't want to scap up some of those people other "synethesia" folks with me to be picking at, I know I'm not the only one.) Oh man I suddenly want a Leonardo da Veggie bagel from Brueggers Bagels back in AZ. I miss the west coast, a lot. Not that it matters.

I'm taking my medicine just like I'm supposed to. Why am I so....disaffected? I don't want to be around anyone, talk to anyone...and yet I do want to talk in a way, just not have a direct conversation. Yes, that's what it is. I want to be able to blog, let someone read it, they comment, I read later, I comment...back and forth etc. The whole exchange of texting and being on the phone and in person, any kind of actual requirement that I have to be witty somehow, just isn't working for me. I want to sit at home all day, then I suddenly will start going on cleaning binges. Then I don't want to be home, but I don't know where I want to go.  So I start getting ansty for no reason. Follow? Doubtful, mostly because no one reads this and two because the few people I know that might look at this stick me in their "Crazy Friend" slot.

Ideally, my conversations would go something like this, "Oh hello, how have you been lately?" "Umm....you know, I don't really have a quick answer to that question just yet, so I'm gonna get back to you on that. And I really don't feel like sitting here nodding my head to feign interest, so I'm just gonna go now, mmkay? Thanks. I'll get back to you when I'm feeling human." 

But everyone is so damn sensitive, they take it personal and all. It's not personal, it's a jacked up brain is what it is. It's times like these that I want to just wander off and leave everything behind. It seems easier. But I know I know, that wouldn't be right to Mike or Jason or anyone else who knows and loves me. The usual bull I hear everytime these thoughts creep in. But you know, when the hubby tells me "What's your problem? I'm beginning to take offense, cause you certainly don't want to have anything to do with me these days." I try to remind him that it's just a phase I'm doing my damndest to work through and I get a scoff, like a fuck you, you're not the only one in this family. No kidding, as if I don't know.

But I am generally not on here to whine about the crap in daily life, what fun is that. You can get that from your local gaggle of hens. I will ponder, and come back with something MUCH more interesting. I know there's a way to put a poll on here...once I find it I'll put up what ideas I have for my next blog, answer the poll (it only takes a second for crying out loud) and I'll see what I can concoct.